I’m sat here at my desk desperate to write something. I desperately want to write; I just don’t know what to write about. Why do I even want to write? I am very bad at writing. I have this blog and I update it regularly, if stats are to be believed then people actually come to my blog and if the bounce rate/time on site stats are to be believed then people actually read what I write.
I’ve looked back at the posts and noticed two things. Firstly it is the only blog that I have ever kept running and updating a regular basis, secondly the blog is basically just a collection of instances where I entertaining myself. I am particularly fond of the time I decided to remake the Sonic the Hedgehog 2 introduction in Adobe Flash in the time it took to apt-get update a server (the pressure was on but I think I did rather well). That isn’t one of my most popular posts, but it is my personal favourite because it sums up what why I’ve continued with the blog. I think the reason it is my longest running blog is because deep down I just use it to entertain myself.
So perhaps I want to write because its how I humor myself, but people read this stuff and there lies a problem. While I use it to entertain myself I also like to watch the stats go up. There is some kind of gamification ego thing going on. Just why am I obsessed with the Google Analytics Android app? I have an email signature with this website address in it and the amount of time I spend agonising over the contents of the signature is shameful. Do I really want people knowing I make bad Sonic the Hedgehog gifs because it makes me smile? I really don’t want my work colleagues to know so perhaps I should take it off my signature for just one more email, the offending post will be off the front page then. I’ve stopped putting posts of this style on Google+ since my family started adding me.
So what is the point of my blog if I can’t entertain myself? I desperately don’t want it to become a collection of how to tutorials with Google/Pinterest friendly image file-names but I can’t help but sit here wondering what up and coming subject my audience would want to hear about. Perhaps if I time the post right I might get bonus hits when Wired cover it.
Being honest in my posts and managing ego are the hardest things about maintaining a blog. I’ve been thinking about students I teach and what they would make of the situation. Can I let them know I make crappy sonic gifs? Today I stopped a student struggling to explain code in the middle of a viva and said “forget all the technical stuff, tell me your story” . Then I felt ashamed.
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